They’re better than eating at the newest restaurant in town—that hot joint with the one-word name concocted by slightly altering a real word into a high society, faux Latin moniker like Trivium or Sequinox or Epatitus. They’re better than “out-greening” your co-workers by pedaling to work on a bicycle constructed of reclaimed 737s wearing a suit made from wheat grass and naturally shed (never sheared!) free-range alpaca lint.
Not only are cable television series hands down the trendiest of hot trends, they also satisfy the two Tenants of Trending: over-saturation of the market and a very low effort-to-respect ratio.
First, there exists a seemingly endless supply of critically acclaimed, ground breaking series from which to choose. First it was Sex and the City. Then came The Sopranos, Six Feet Under, Queer as Folk, The Wire, Entourage, Rome, The Tudors, Flight of the Conchords, Weeds, Californication…the list goes on! A 2007 San Diego State University study showed that the cable series conception rate (CSCR) in North America is on par with Amazonian deforestation, or as the study ominously phrased it, “Really f*cking fast!”
The CSCR shows no signs of letting up. During the time it took you to read this, HBO wrote, cast and filmed thirteen series including:
…The
Starring former Saved by the Bell cast members Lark Voorhies and Dennis Haskins. Jolinda Negroson (Voorhies) is a paraplegic, single mother and truck stop waitress who falls in love with Mr. Felding (Haskins), her openly gay, HIV positive former high school principal. The two forge a symbiotic, yet legally unrecognized partnership and struggle to cope with the tribulations of an interracial, handicapped relationship in ultra-conservative and historically non-ADA compliant Brewton, Alabama.
Running Out of Time
Herman (Albert Brooks) is a down-on-his-luck bank teller who finds a magical track suit that allows him to jog into the future. Season two introduces late-80s phenomenon ALF as Herman’s futuristic talking, domesticated companion.
An eye-opening look into the fast-paced, real world of Madison, a third grader from
Second, to keep up with this hot trend requires just about as much effort as tragically confusing a Chi O. Merely alluding to the fact that you watch any one of the myriad shows is enough to give you credibility with your premium-cabled peers. Absorbing any details while watching a cable series is considered purely coincidental and immaterial to any discussion of the show with one’s associates. Take this actual conversation between “Tim” and “Mike” (names have been changed to protect the innocent):
Tim: Dude, I watched four episodes of
Mike: Aw man, I’m still on season one…what happened? No don’t tell me!
Tim: It was awesome.
Mike: Ok tell me!!!!
Tim: The big guy…you know…the general or emperor or whatever. I forget his name.
Mike: Yeah I know who you’re talking about.
Tim: Anyways, that guy totally destroyed like this entire army in Gaul or
Mike: No way, that guy is such a bad ass.
Tim: And he cut this one guy’s head off with a huge broad sword…
Mike: Niiiiiiice.
Tim: and then there was an orgy and then Larry David talked to Richard Lewis for 20 minutes about men buying tampons…
Mike: Aw man…I can’t wait to watch it. Sweeeeeeet…
Tim: I know. [Texting girlfriend with explanation of why they can’t have sex that night]. Awesome…
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1 comment:
Dude, they didn't have broadswords then. Come on...
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